What else could I write? I don’t have the right.

(…with all apologies to the late Mr. Cobain for the shameless lyric ripoff in the title.  But, seriously – when one thinks of their own failures, foibles and fumbles with the intention of actually TALKING about them, one arrives at a state of discouraged detachment that can best be described as “Nirvanesque”.)

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Okay, so now that I have your attention, let’s talk about my going AWOL around here, shall we?

Yup, this was my baby.  I was the “fearless leader” who kicked this blog into gear. Worked with a designer made of awesome for over a year to get the custom design and multi-author functionality just right.  I had more new music tips from PR folks than I knew what to do with over at Music Savvy Mom, and decided that they needed to be shared…with friends who loved music as much as I do, who were excellent writers and whose diverse musical tastes would ensure that all genres would be heard.

In theory, it was great – we’d all still attend to our own blogs, but would pop over here for fun.  We’d grab a new track and info sheet from a running list I kept, take a listen, throw up a review and connect with our own inner Lester Bangs for a moment.  We’d exercise our chops as erstwhile rock journalists, then go back to our respective Mom Blogger personas.  Yes, in theory…it was great.

But unfortunately, theory doesn’t always translate well into reality.

Was it the fault of these ladies that this little experiment has hit a lull , reached an impasse, slammed into a brick wall involuntarily gone on almost permanent hiatus?  Nope.  Not one little bit.  Totally on me, that.  I went from hyped up micromanaging (which, frankly, was driving ME nuts – can’t imagine how they stood me) to absolute hands off with no warning whatsoever.

Seriously.  Nada.  Crickets, in fact.  Frankly, I’m surprised most of them even talk to me anymore.  (At least one doesn’t, in fact.  But, not because of this…I’m a bitch on many levels. ;) )

Now, I didn’t abandon The Music Mamas on purpose.  Actually, I have abandoned blogging altogether as of late – on all of my sites.  If you want the absolute truth without the gory details, I found myself increasingly more disillusioned with the whole “system” – at least parts of it that I was seeing.  After two years of intentionally NOT monetizing any of my blogs, and just observing and researching the best way to go about it…I’ve become jaded and burned out before allowing myself to make a penny.

World’s Greatest Business Woman, I am not.

So, back to the subject at hand:  this site.  This entire concept, in fact – which is also the bedrock that Music Savvy Mom is built on – that of the lack of synergy between Moms and Music.

I still believe very strongly in that.  I’ve come to see, though, that it’s not just Moms who need it.

I’ve also realized that the need doesn’t have to be met only by new music, nor just in a review capacity.  Sometimes it’s just good to talk about it – old music, new music – whatever.  And that can only be genuine with no pressure or feeling of responsibility – real or imagined.

I’ve realized that you cannot schedule nor edit a writer’s passion.  That includes me.  When you suck the fun out of fun, it becomes too much like work.  And, nobody likes work, especially work for which they’re not being paid.

So, why am I telling  you all this?  Because I want to apologize.  First, to the Mamas who agreed to jump on this thing with me.  I’ve been a pain in the ass and let you down.  I’m sorry.  Next, to you readers.  We got you all psyched for this, and so many of you supported us and still do…and I failed you.  I’m sorry. To the PR folks – well, to just a few of the PR folks, actually – the ones who have been wonderful and who have treated us with respect and generosity of time and music.   I’ve flaked on you.  I’m sorry And lastly, to the artists.  In trying to harness passion and spontaneity, I’ve squashed potentially wonderful articles about the music you’re making that could have been shared.  I’m sorry.

What to do now?  Well, I don’t know.  So I’m putting it out  for any who are still interested to discuss with me, here.  (That’s right – no personal emails went out.  Just laying it out here.) Do we keep the idea alive?  If any of The Mamas still listed on the sidebar want to start again – with a new and improved atmosphere of “write whatever the hell you want, whatever makes you happy”, then hell yeah – go for it!  Do any of you readers want to kick in an article or two?  Let me know! Send them in!  Do we want to start a forum or message board where we all just yap about music?  I’m game.  I’d even be good with inviting some PR folks and artists to post there directly – in designated areas – to still advance that bridge between music and fan in a more intimate way.

Or, y’know…we could just scrap it.  But I can’t just continue to let it stagnate, while a few brave souls come in once in a while to try to resuscitate it singlehandedly.  (I’m sorry for that, too. :) )

Bottom line is this.  I’ve shed my inner control freak.  I no longer care about becoming a “successful” or popular blogger – Mom or otherwise.  But, I miss writing about music in a genuine way.   I need some help finding a way to do that.  I need to know if this is something worth doing, worth saving.

Writers, readers, other music folk…help me? Please?

xoxo,

Ri

53 Responses to What else could I write? I don’t have the right.
  1. dy
    April 27, 2011 | 11:25 am

    I’m not really the people you are apologizing to; I just enjoy reading your tweets and posts and we have fairly similar tastes in music (although I’d say your tastes are better, lol).

    But I do have just a thought – have you tried tumblr? It’s not for long text posts, but it’s a great way to share mp3s, videos, photography. I use mine for sharing music thoughts and things I enjoy. I’ve been doing a doofy 30 day challenge on there and “reblogging” (basically sharing your finds) great rock photos and other things that I enjoy. It’s super easy and fast and much less work than a regular blog. I linked mine to give you a way to check it out, but there are a lot of great music tumblrs out there I think you would enjoy.

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 10:50 pm

      Y’know…you may be on to something with the Tumblr. Might be just the thing to get all the quickie press releases out there! Hmmmmm….(can you smell the wood burning? I’m thinking…;) )

  2. oh_pook
    April 27, 2011 | 11:27 am

    if you build it, they will come… Haha or whatever that line from some ball movie is.

    If you continue, i will read
    if you don’t, I won’t

    or I could do it by Haiku:

    Music mamas Blog
    Place to read about music
    Sometimes I comment

    in other words… I’m not going to tell you what to do

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 10:50 pm

      That’s it – you are hereby drafted as our resident spontaneous Haiku Mama! LOL! <3

  3. Bailey
    April 27, 2011 | 12:00 pm

    I think that A) you’re not a B, but a strong, talented and honest woman (love that!), B) you really have something special with Music Mama’s and C) I love all of the mamas on the side (go Lara!), so hope this continues!

    You’re very brave to put everything out for the world to see, and I personally would love to see Music Mamas keep going and be stronger than ever. And a little bit of business never hurt anyone (hey, even the best writers in the world have to pay for pencils and paper) ; )

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 10:53 pm

      “A little bit of business never hurt anyone” – LOL! (Hey, I’m not saying I MIND business – I’m evidently just not very GOOD at it! ;) )
      Thanks for the encouragement, Bailey!

  4. Tim@sogeshirts
    April 27, 2011 | 12:05 pm

    I think the concept of Music mamas is awesome and should definitely be kept alive should the ladies still want to write about music. I definitely agree that they should write about what they want. Music is diverse and so is tastes.

    Including some other musicians, Pr people, or guest posters sounds like a great idea too. My brother who is a musician would probably love to post here.

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 10:53 pm

      Thanks, Tim – and, I remember you mentioned your brother the musician before. Get him over here – we’d love to hear his stuff! :)

  5. Kathryn
    April 27, 2011 | 12:06 pm

    I say keep it going!!!! You know I’ll show up, send in something I think is cool/fun and yell at you if you post Conway Twitty but most of all I will still be here. Do what works for all of you, find something that is fun and makes all of you happy. Running a group blog is a BITCH… I have one myself and the administrative stuff made me feel uncreative, bitter and tired. Recharge your batteries, ask for help and keep rockin’ on!
    Kathryn´s last [type] ..Vacation aka Parenting Amateur Hour

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:07 pm

      Agreed on the Twitty – but, the same does not extend to the great Gordon Lightfoot, just so you know:

      Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


      xoxo

  6. belle
    April 27, 2011 | 12:15 pm

    Aggghh, just had a HUGE comment, and it didn’t post!

    So here goes….

    First off, Ri, I don’t think you let anyone down. Life gets in the way of a lot of stuff for most of us. That’s just how it goes. While I love this place, I don’t think readers ever expected the next SPIN magazine, although that would have been the bee’s knees had it turned out that way. Just like you said, we are moms who came together to share the music we love, on a BLOG. And I can only speak for myself, but I had a lot of fun with that.

    I know it’s not just moms who need it, but I think that was actually what set us apart from other music-blogger hobbyists. Does that really need to change? Perhaps. We’re all adults, and we can adapt, re-brand, whatever, if the niche was off-putting for some.

    For what it’s worth, I never felt pressured to write anything…not the PR posts, or any reviews of any sort. In fact, I had a lot of fun with it. Checking the tip sheet, attending shows, putting together themed playlists when the inspiration struck, and reliving memories. And if you’ve checked the drafts lately, you may have noticed that I had something new-ish I wanted to start trying for Fridays.

    I know that I was never good with completing things in a timely manner (umm…that 30STM post I just made? I attended that show in January), but I still enjoyed the hell out of it all! And any pressure I felt, or any deadlines I tried to give myself weren’t just to crank something out, but were put in place because I was excited about the music I love and I wanted to hurry up and share it with the world (or just this blog’s readers).

    Bottom line: it’s your baby. If you keep it, I’ll still write if you’ll still have me – and even do better to promote (which is the main thing I wanted to do when I came on board, believe it or not), and of course I’ll still read.

    I do hope you’ll keep it, but it needs to be enjoyable for you, not more work you feel like you have to do. It doesn’t need to be a dreaded chore – we have enough of those already, right?

    I’ll stand by whatever decision you make. (But I still hope you keep it!)
    belle´s last [type] ..There’s nothing like seeing your child taken away in an ambulance to put things in proper perspective

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:08 pm

      Dude, I’ve been so out of it, I haven’t even looked at the drafts! Whatever you want to do on Fridays is GREAT – I told you you’re stuck here, and from the looks of it, the general consensus is for me to quit my bitchin’ and carry on…so we will! LOL!
      <3

  7. belle
    April 27, 2011 | 12:17 pm

    Just to add: the thing I wanted to try for Fridays? I was going for this Friday, but had a family emergency and there just wasn’t time to get it finished beforehand.
    belle´s last [type] ..There’s nothing like seeing your child taken away in an ambulance to put things in proper perspective

  8. midwesternmamah
    April 27, 2011 | 12:54 pm

    Dont feel badly, and no need to apologize. I think many of us bloggers have been feeling this way as of late. I know I have. Ive checked out on many levels for many reasons, none of which have anything to do with blogging itself. Sometimes real life just kicks our asses and that is what we have to deal with ….first.
    Just keep on keeping on…. its all we can do really. Everything else will fall into place as it is intended to.
    midwesternmamah´s last [type] ..Has It Been A Year Already

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:09 pm

      Have you been looking in my windows? ‘Cause seriously – you have the “Life ass kicking” pegged EXACTLY.
      (So nice to be understood!) Grazie, mamah!

  9. Jennifer
    April 27, 2011 | 12:56 pm

    I say branch out– write what you want, when you want, and if you do write a non-music related post, who says you can’t include a track that captures your mood?

    I like the idea of contributer’s posting at will on topics of their choosing (a l’Huffington post)– maybe that will mean music or concerts, maybe that will mean politics (whether music related or not) or pop culture, or even just posts about being mamas and trying to carve out some space for your own interests and trying to find balance.

    I don’t think it has to be an all or nothing proposal– do what you can, when you can, and I (and I am sure many others) will follow!

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:11 pm

      I like the idea of free for all contributions too, Jenn – from the already drafted Mamas AND readers. I think throwing the doors wide open might just be the ticket!
      (So – got anything YOU’D like to write about? Hmmmmm? ;) )

  10. Jennifer- HipAsIWannaBe
    April 27, 2011 | 1:00 pm

    Apology not needed. AT. ALL.

    This in particular hit me – “I’ve realized that you cannot schedule nor edit a writer’s passion. That includes me. When you suck the fun out of fun, it becomes too much like work. And, nobody likes work, especially work for which they’re not being paid.” I understand this in so many ways.

    SO MANY WAYS.

    If you write, I will still listen. But I don’t want you to do something that is all work and no fun. That is exhausting.

    ((hugs))

    Jen

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:13 pm

      Amen! And, thank you – from now on, I’m going to boil that down to read “Jen thinks I shouldn’t work because I might get exhausted!”

      Dude. You’re a genius. ;) xoxo

  11. Lisa
    April 27, 2011 | 1:12 pm

    Good Lord, you really are my ‘Catholic/first-born/control freak’ guilt-ridden sister in spirit, aren’t you? I haven’t read the other responses yet, but I’d venture to guess the person you’ve let down is yourself and not really anyone else. You’re being awfully hard on yourself and while I can honestly say I GET IT, I also want to sit you down and say ‘stop that.’

    Can’t do it, though, because I’m a big believer in failing BIG before you hit it big. Big is relative in both instances, of course, but getting it all out helps organize the thoughts and crystallize where you want it to go.

    That’s the really big question, isn’t it? Not what all of us want, but what YOU really want. Because in the end, as much as I love (yes, loooove) coming here, my world won’t end if the blog does. That might sound harsh even though I don’t mean it to. I come here because I like hearing music I haven’t heard before, reading the thoughts of others and I dig your take on things.

    In my perfect world? Yep, I think more posts would rock my world. I’d like to read not only about a new CD someone liked but whatever else they might be thinking. Not that anyone wants to read my drivel, but I’d gladly guest post if your format goes that way. I think that if you are honest with what people can expect here, then it’s all good. As for the message board/etc, I probably wouldn’t come back for that. Not that I don’t wan to bond, but I just don’t have the time.

    That was a round about way of me saying that no matter how often you post I like to read what you write. I admire you for spilling your guts, being realistic and asking for feedback. I think you have an awesome concept here and as long as you keep it real I’ll be coming back.

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:16 pm

      Okay – one: yes, I think we must be related. My Dad was adopted, and we’re still missing a grandfather, so srsly – we COULD be! lol two: yes, you are guest posting. three: I agree on the forum. WTF was I thinking? three: I don’t remember the rest because I’m still grinning that you like what I write. (I am so easy, I swear.)
      Grazie, bella! <3

  12. Lauri
    April 27, 2011 | 1:51 pm

    Oh Dearest Ri,

    Do whatever you want when your feet hit the floor. That is the beauty of this – is it supposed to be for fun and if it doesn’t feel good, then skip it for the day. If you have a great idea or if you feel really groovy, jump online and throw us a bone to jam to!

    None of your followers really care how often you post, they just enjoy your nuggets when you do! Sometimes the creativity will come in waves for months and then it will just feel like someone turned off the spout (ummm, am I talking about you or looking in the mirror?).

    It may be fun to do some random articles from time to time that readers can submit (i.e. best concert memory, worst concert memory, think I went to the concert but have no memory!)

    Hang in there…

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:20 pm

      If you were looking in the mirror, then I was looking over your shoulder because “someone turned off the spout” is exactly what the feeling has been like around here! That’s probably why I finally just laid it out here – I think I knew that the feedback and discussion would get me moving again!

      Yup, I’m really seeing that a wider call for input might really inject more of the FUN we’ve been missing up in here. And we are SO using the “think I went to the concert but have no memory” topic. That’s happened more times than I care to admit!

      :)

  13. stormysmama
    April 27, 2011 | 2:33 pm

    Dear Ri,
    Stfu already with your apologies! I love reading this site whether it’s once a month or once a week. Granted I suck at trying to contribute, but the fact that it’s HERE, for people to write and/or read if/when they have the time is a gift. From you to all of us out there. Everything stagnates once in a while… let’s call it “blogger’s block”… but while the hype may be waning now, it will resurge again eventually. Keep it up, and maybe I’ll make a genuine effort to contribute if it’ll convince you that I (if not we all) need and appreciate an outlet like this freelance firecracker you’ve got here. Much love,
    Kimmy

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:22 pm

      LOL! Okay, okay – stfu-ing, already! *mwah*

  14. dipaolamomma
    April 27, 2011 | 2:34 pm

    Let’s get the band back together! Everyone let’s it “drop” now and then.. that’s human nature. I am PASSIONATE about music. I can’t through a single day of my work, family, personal or IMAGINARY life without it. Don’t let it go.. hold on. Don’t stop believing.. hold on to the bitter end… oh oh oooohhhh. Dam that inner Steve Perry!!!! DAM HIM!!!

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:23 pm

      And now I have that screechy caterwauling in my head, along with the searing pain of my migraine. Thanks for that, DiPM. Tell me why I keep you around again…? ‘)

      xoxo

  15. oh_pook
    April 27, 2011 | 3:07 pm

    wow!!!! how fun when losts of people post comments!!!!! :) … !

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:24 pm

      I know, right? I should have an emotional breakdown brought on by feelings of guilt and failure EVERY week if we get this kind of action! BWAHAHA! ;)

  16. Mari
    April 27, 2011 | 3:40 pm

    I’m in. I’ll write about it all – what I like, hate, avoid, seek out, listen to, become inspired by, et. al. And I’ll read it when others do the same.

    If the Mamas were a movie (or a real-life story recently told in movie form), we would be the Runaways. Some of the kick-ass girls did not continue after they had their run, but some of them were Joan Jett who still rocks awesome. (I hope that makes as much sense to you as it does to me; I am running on minimal sleep & have a had a crappy day. And I need more caffeine)

    Long live the music, mamas. :)
    Mari´s last [type] ..Hat of awesome

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:25 pm

      Dude, you were never getting out of this deal. I’ve developed my own brand of indentured servitude (one sided, of course, because you get nothing out of this deal), and you are SO stuck.

  17. Melisa
    April 27, 2011 | 4:10 pm

    I was never “out”. In fact, I have a post that’s been brewing for 3 weeks but, ahem, I’ve been a little busy publishing a book and all…

    (anyone going to Chicago with teenagers? Preorder my book! http://chickeninthecar.com)

    Where was I?

    Oh yes. Busy. No apologies needed. You worry too much. You can’t get rid of me, anyway.

    I’ll do my best to get my post up on Friday, since you have tons of comments on this one already. :)
    Melisa´s last [type] ..The Early Book Birds Catch The Chance To Win A Gift Card…

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:26 pm

      Yeah, yeah. See previous comment to Mari above. Goes double for you, so whatevs, you bigtime author, you! ;)

  18. LaMereJoie
    April 27, 2011 | 5:14 pm

    Ri,
    Although I don’t get to stop by as often as I would like, I do read all of your blogs and especially tweets. Real life has a way of taking over (and it should!) so never apologize for that! I love hearing about new and exciting music that I wouldn’t otherwise know existed. Because I do live somewhat under a rock flanked by Barney and the Black Eyed Peas. I vote that you keep it going. But don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
    LaMereJoie´s last [type] ..I am trying not to have hate in my heart

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:29 pm

      Caught between Barney and the Black Eyed Peas – omg, that is epic and horrifying all at once! LOL!
      Hey, in the interest of guest posting and branching out around here – what say you whip out a “what food goes best with which artists” post, my little foodie? That could be HYSTERICAL! ;)

      Thanks, sweetie – xoxoxo

  19. Rainbowlite
    April 27, 2011 | 6:03 pm

    I saw do what you like and don’t feel any pressure. If you like music and want to share, share it. Hakuna mata, no worries.

  20. Cinna
    April 27, 2011 | 6:35 pm

    Write if you want. Blog if it feels right. Don’t do it for me. Do it for you.

  21. Aspiring
    April 27, 2011 | 7:32 pm

    Ri,

    Everyone’s already said so much of the right things… I feel at a loss.

    I agree with the concept of doing it for enjoyment. If you don’t enjoy it, then what’s the point? Maybe if you’re not into it at this time, you will be in a few months.

    Unfortunately, I can’t be a contributor, because I even struggle with contributing in my own little world. Also, as you know, I’m a top 40 fan and feel I’m sorta out of it when it comes to this blog (or most things in general).

    Maybe you could actively recruit more mamas and so your part would be lessened and you’d feel less stress about it?

    I do hope you’ll find a way to make whatever you want to work for you, work.

    Many (((Hugs))))
    xo
    Aspy

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:31 pm

      Answering the three of you above with the same statement:

      ‘Copians are always right, and I should always listen to them. Especially if they bring beer and fruit snacks.

      (And you may quote that for truthiness.) xoxoxo

  22. Jennifer
    April 27, 2011 | 10:39 pm

    Wow, Ri. You go girl for baring your soul like this and being honest with yourself and your readers…that’s true blogger ethic.

    As for a solution, I think it lies in one word; simplicity. Start something very small and simple and see where it goes before investing energy in design and infrastructure…because at the end of the day a music community (or any community online) is based on people and conversations.

    I say create a Facebook page and start small – one quality post a week with fun questions/trivia/content twice a week. That’s it. See how that goes and then in your second month, ask one or two bloggers to do a guest blog post. Then in your third month run a Facebook chat and try that out. One step at a time, pace yourself, and keep your expectations low so you can surpass them by miles ;)
    Jennifer´s last [type] ..jennko- New resolution I will NOT take the subway to work in the morning anymore Its summertime and the walk is just an extra 10 minutes!

    • Ri
      April 28, 2011 | 11:34 pm

      Yup – I often have trouble remembering the KISS rule. Matter of fact, the Music Mama Facebook page has been just as woefully neglected as this one!

      I’m thankful though, that there always does seem to be genuine and spontaneous conversation when we have something out there to TALK about ,as is evidenced by this awesome outpouring. ‘Twas a great kick in the tush for me!

      Baby steps…baby steps! lol! :)

  23. oh_pook
    April 29, 2011 | 8:11 am

    Music Mamas Rule
    They helped kick a Savvy Ass
    She is “Ri”merging

  24. oh_pook
    April 29, 2011 | 8:16 am

    Lost my post…

    Music Mamas rule
    They helped kick some Savvy Ass
    She is “Ri”merging?

    *squishyface*

    • Rosa
      May 20, 2014 | 5:19 am

      More posts of this quylita. Not the usual c***, please

  25. Tiffani
    May 2, 2011 | 9:19 pm

    I love all y’all! Rock on!
    Tiffani´s last [type] ..Tornadoes wipe out part of my community

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